Last week Thursday was our Holland walk kick off. We had it at the Holland Fish and Game Club. The turn out wasn't as good as we expected but it was still a great event! I had to give a speech as a team captain and let me tell you I sucked! But oh well. That morning our sick backed up cause the water from the dish washer to overflow all over the kitchen, so needless to say I had other things on my mind. We had Jeff and Nicki Westra and their 3 daughters come out as our Ambassador family team. What an amazing little family! I surprised myself and made it all the way through their touching story with out crying! Melanie was born 14 weeks too soon and today she is a surviving and thriving beautiful little princess.
Kim Klenk was also there. She is the Boven Birth Center Clinical Educator. Hunter was at this special care nursery for 2.5 days and then transferred to DeVos. I knew I had to talk to her. I had to ease my mind if we are ever going to have another baby I had to talk to her. And then the water works began. I as so so terrified to go through having another sick little baby again. I don't know if I would be able to physically handle that stress again and then to have to worry about Hunter on top of it. What would I do with him if we would have to drive to DeVos every day. Who would I decide to spend my time with the healthy child who knows whats going on or the sick baby who needs me to fight for them. Even the thought of this is just far to overwhelming. Kim gave me confidence though. Since Hunter has been born the special care nursery here and Holland has made advancements and Kim doesn't think that this baby if which is an if is born with RDS he or she would be able to stay here in Holland! AND AND just last week a little boy was born with RDS and was sent home after just one extra day!!!! You have no exciting how great this is for me to hear! Technology and God power working through scientists and Doctors and Nurses is an amazing and powerful thing! This defiantly gave me a little peace. I know God was defiantly with me this weekend because at church on Sunday Britton preached exactly what I needed to hear!
The sermon was on Belief. Belief is not just your opinion or what you think but it is carried on throughout your actions and who you are! Because I believe in God, He should be a part of my every breath and thought. Which includes my thoughts and fears about another baby. I need to completely give myself over to God 100% body and soul and trust in him completely. I know this isn't going to make anything a walk in the park and I will still have times when the fear overwhelms me but it is in those times that I desperately need to turn to God. If your the praying type pray with me as we walk through this new journey. Pray that my Belief is hold strong through this process of trying to have another baby. Pray that each day I can give more of myself and my bitterness and anger over Hunter's birth to God.
Thanks for hanging in there with me I know this started out as March of Dimes and ended as something else but its what I need to get out today so thanks for listening.
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What an awesome encouraging post! My birth story was different, but I also have dealt with fear, bitterness, and anger for nearly two years over Alex's traumatic birth and first month (he was hospitalized for failure to thrive). This second pregnancy has been very healing... and I'm praying that a VBAC will make the healing complete. I pray that you will also experience healing, and hope! And yay for doctors making progress in treatment of RSD... I'm proud of you for making a difference through March of Dimes. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it wasn't easy to share those feelings. I haven't even begun to think about having another baby, but I'm sure when the time comes, I'll be sharing some of the same ones. We pray you won't have any problems when #2 comes along, but if you do, everything will work out. God will give you the wisdom, patience, support, and grace to come out on the other side. I never thought we'd be able to handle 2 girls at home and one 45min away in NICU, but we did, only through the grace of God. Was it stressfull, yes. Was it hard, yes. Was it worth it, yes! It made us grow stronger as a husband and wife, as a family, and in our faith. I'll keep you in my prayers. Psalm 116 was(is) a comfort to me during this time.
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